Workout music
So I’m sitting here in a towel and glasses (Settle down ladies.) having just showered after an hour and change on a cardio machine.
I’ve never done an hour on a cardio machine. I’m not saying it’s some huge achievement in the realm of human fitness. But I was pretty damn surprised that I hit that groove. I could have easily gone another. But I figure I should stop and give my knees a couple day recup, just in case I was getting all endorphiny and ignoring some horrid damage.
After all, I’m getting old.
This also (I suspect not coincidentally) marks the first time I brought an mp3 player to the gym. I’d played around and started with a couple tracks in a tentative ‘workout’ playlist. It was upbeat stuff with a nice rhythm, some consistency, etc.
Seemed right.
Wrong.
I TOTALLY misjudged what was important about cardio music.
First: Strong percussion ONLY works when you’re in near perfect sync. Otherwise the phase mismatch is like listening to … uhm… yeah, I’ve got no idea. But it’s really bad.
Second: Frenetic guitar and metal works really well. HOWEVER! Heed my warning plebes!
The use of the title track from Joe Satriani’s album “Crystal Planet” should be avoided at all costs unless you’re Usain Bolt or whatsisname Armstrong. Listen to the end to see what I mean.
At the final note (at 45:22 in to my workout) my eyes rolled back in my head as I gasped for air after 4:35 of alternating between holding my breath and screaming. I fell backwards and cracked my skull on the floor behind me, which was of little note as my heart had exploded out of my chest, sending my soul skyward.
The universe became whiter than white lighter than light and I was overwhelmed by the sense of crossed arms and a cosmic tapping foot. It was then I knew I was in The Presence.
“Seriously!?! That’s your ticket out?” He bellowed.
“Oh, fuck. Look ya gotta give me a mulligan on that. Dick move I know. But let one slide, I got shit to do.”
“If I EVER…”
“I know I know. Jesus Christ, how much harder do you think you need to hit it.”
“You INSOLENT…”
“eep”
And I was on the machine, pumping away. The time read 41:47. I picked up the zune and changed the track, looked up and winked.
But the Chemical Brothers works great. I recommend the “Exit Planet Dust” album.
So yeah, there’s that.
June 5th, 2010 at 11:58 am
I used to take notes on what music was playing when I took spinning classes. It translated perfectly to treadmill and that goddamn machine where you climb imaginary stairs until you die.