The most annoying habit EVER
…and it’s mine.
I have a horrible what you might call “conversational affectation.”
If someone’s talking I’ll frequently interrupt them (I know I know) and give some alternative expression of what they said, either a summary or full blown explanation.
It’s got to drive people completely batshit and no matter how I try I can’t seem to stop myself.
The “rationale” is this: Saying “yes”, “yep” or “mm hmm” seems to me to be dismissive, something you’d say when you’re not really paying attention. What a part of my head is trying to do is say “yes, I am paying attention and I understand your point, here’s the proof…”
But the net effect in normal conversation is that I’m being a jackass. (I’d say “I SEEM like a jackass” but frankly I’m not that deep in denial.) It stops conversation because the other person stops talking thinking that I was just trying to butt in and get them to shut up so I could keep blathering, which is infrequently the case. (Though very rarely if someone’s just droning on I’ll do it intentionally just to get them to the damn point. No less rude, but if I get it I get it.)
Unfortunately this practice has been supported in the workplace. When I’m in meetings I frequently watch people talk to a room of people who have NO idea what they’re saying, so I’ll “play dumb” and say “so what you mean is this…” then watch a room full of heads bob in acknowledgment (then approach me afterward saying “why didn’t they just SAY that?”)
This is one of the reasons I’m better at communicating online. There’s a give and take built in to whatever the forum style is, be it twitter, email, blog posts/comments, etc. The pause is built in to the system. Of course it’s still annoying (I imagine, though nobody’s ever SAID anything to me about it) that I just repeat what someone else said.
So, sorry everyone. I am aware of it. I’m just making absolutely no headway in dealing with it.
October 30th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
So my sister does this thing when she’s telling a story of any kind and she gives the details of EVERYTHING. Here’s a sample: “I was on my way to work on tuesday and as I was driving in my car is was listening to that Counting Crows CD you gave me for x-mas 2 years ago, and do you remember that sweater you borrowed me, but I kept it, that pink one? Yeah, I was wearing that. Anyway, Driving down the freeway right past the forest lake exit and I see this guy in a red dodge pickup truck, I think it was a ram of some sort, and I’m pretty sure he was picking his nose? Then!! I had to slam on my breaks because traffic was slowing down, and I almost hit the green honda civic in front of me, license plate was “Isuk09″ How funny is that?!”
Whewwww!! That’s a true story btw, although some of the details may be slightly off. LOL And that’s only part of the story…
So when she gets on a roll, I say, dude, you need to speed it up, I lost interest 6 words in. But it drives me nuts! Instead of saying 3 sentences I get a full on thesis paper on her drive to work! RIDICULOUS!!
October 30th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
That’s very “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County” ;-)
See if someone’s just telling a story for the sake of storytelling I can listen all day.
My best friend has dozens upon dozens of stories from before we met and he always asks “Did I ever tell you about…” and unless I just can’t possibly keep a straight face the answer is always “no, I don’t think so.”
It’s just too much fun to hear/watch someone getting in to their own storytelling.
Now, if someone’s trying to actually explain something or impart information? I’m ready to beat them with a stick.
October 30th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Yeah, that’s my sis’ prob, when there’s a funny story, its great, but when its one to inform, not so much!
My uncle is a fantastic storyteller, and 100% of his stories are full on belly laugh funny!!
October 30th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Excellent! Gotta love people like that. Who gives a damn if I’ve heard it 150 times? It’s just great to watch.
December 18th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Oh! Have you tried saying “So what I hear is… “instead of “So what you really meant to say is…”? =) Tada! Less annoying.
Also, that’s a textbook comparison of deductive vs. inductive communication styles. Fun! Good to know which style you are, and how to deal with people with the opposing style.