A Good Imagination and a Pile of Junk

Ya know, there’s such an incredible burst of sneering and eye rolling about twitter, which I happen to be a big fan of, that I thought it best if I at least explain myself a bit. To wit, here, in the same form as those snarky posts by people with too much time on their hands and energy for disliking things are 25 things I love about twitter.

1. Random conversations with really cool people about a bizarre variety of topics leading to wonderful cross-pollination of ideas which almost always results in laugh out loud comments involving bacon.
2. …
3. cute girl avatars (I’m a straight single man. Get over it. That said, NObody is cute enough to follow if they’re not interesting. But nice to look at as well is nice to look at as well ;)
4. uhm…
5. …hmmm…
6. ..well there’s… no, that’s pretty annoying…
7. …
8. well, when someone… no that’s stupid.
9. …
10. I’m sure I’ve got…
11. … but it’s fun wh… gah, yeah that’s not right either.
12. …
13. yeah this isn’t going well.
14. …

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!  25 things I hate about Twitter!

1. Oh my GOD the spammers have GOT to go.
2. “Internet Marketing Guru/Specialist/Master”s.  They’re a plague.  These are the people who destroyed ryze.com utterly.
3. People who care whether you follow them or not.  Shove.  Someone called me pretentious for not following them back.  Look squeegy, I’m pretentious for lots of reasons and you’re not fucking important enough to be one of ‘em.
4. People who follow you just for their numbers.
5. Twitter DJ wannabes.  (people who do nothing but pollute the stream with blip.fm and grooveshark tweets.  Sure, a couple are ok.  But you’re not a DJ.  You’re sitting at a computer picking songs that don’t mix particularly well and assuming everybody wants to hear them.  Stop it.)
6. People who try to have an in-depth argument in 140 character slices.  Stop it.  Send emails.  The rest of us lost the thread after 2 rounds anyway.  Yes.  I know.  I have been this person.  Nobody else cares.
7. “tweeple”
8. “twerps”
9. “twits”
10. My newfound bizarre compulsion to  write in bite sized thoughts of exactly 140 characters rather than explain myself thoroughly and clearly.
11. Chronic RTers. PPL… if you’re not saying anything new… what are ya doin?
12. The time suck of it all.  Worse than MMOs. (At least in games you get the fake killing and blowing things upness.)
13. People who follow you to try and get you to follow them, then unfollow you and REfollow you so you get the “someone is now following you” email again.  No no sparky, I saw it the first time and determined that you aren’t worth the space in front of my eyeballs.  Then they get indignant about it, which is almost entertaining enough to put in the “love about twitter” list.  But that would totally break the whole joke thing about this post at all.  This is LIKE #3 but the people with the bizarre obsession with it deserve their own item.
14. ashton kutcher.  He’s a funny dude on screen in impressively small doses.  But in this universe he can’t come up with much other than “ha ha I’m married to demi moore.”  Hate to brake it to you knobster, we were over her 10 years ago.  She’s now “that ex-actress who’s really hot…for her age.”  We were over YOU half way through 70s show. Go have a drink with guy ritchie and keven federline. No I’m not just bitter. Really. Stop. Why are you laughing.
15. How I sound like a gibbering idiot when trying to describe twitter to people who don’t use it. “no no really it’s good…and stuff.”
16. Having just alienated a twitter buddy with a poorly formed joke.  I tried explaining it without explaining it but didn’t get across that it was a one-liner.  Sent a message explaining it flat out, haven’t heard back.  See… this is the type of crap that happens with internet communication on the BEST of days.  Restrict someone to 140 character sound-bites… potential for misunderstanding is epic.
17. “Success Coaches”  Guys?  I’ve never heard of ANY of you.  #fail.
18. 30-45 minute search lag.
19. FailWhale
20. Weird disturbances.
21. It’s buckling under the performance load, having been written in some geek’s favorite toy programming language. #geekegofail
22. Then there’s…. hmm….

Yeah, that ain’t working either.

Whatever.

Twitter.

…and stuff.

Tags: Twitter

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 at 11:06 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.